I was just kind of browsing on the reddit and came across a decent looking TIFU post, “TIFU GIVING MY 17 YR OLD NEPHEW ADVICE ON HOW TO MEET WOMEN.” For anyone who isn’t aware, TIFU is short for “Today I F***ed Up” though they very rarely are about things that happened “today.”
In the comments, there was a discussion about whether or not his nephews punishment was helpful or appropriate. That’s not really what this is about though.
When ever their child got in trouble “You’re grounded for 2 months”
When their child grew up “Why do you never leave your room? “
I’m certain this was intended to be a lighthearted and humorous comment, and it is in a way, but the response really got me thinking.
This painfully hit home for me… I don’t think there was ever a year that I wasn’t grounded. It was always poor grades… things just didn’t click for me a lot of the times. Or they would click one way but that’s not the work the teacher would want to see.
Anyways… as I got older the groundings made it so that I got secluded from the different groups I was apart of. There are such better ways at handling things than locking your child up in their room like a homestyle prison
I have never really thought about the social implications of a grounded child. I can sort of follow a twisted logic of “if you have bad grades you should spend less time with your friends/playing games/on the phone/watching tv/etc and more time studying.” I don’t exactly disagree. It’s important to help children understand how to balance social life with work/school. That’s a life skill that they’ll find useful later.
In this example though, it didn’t teach balance, it destroyed it. For starters “I don’t think there was ever a year that I wasn’t grounded” implies that the form of discipline chosen wasn’t effective. Yeah, it’s super easy to tell a child to go to their room. Yeah it kinda works in the younger age range, to a point. I’m questioning the whole idea though, who does it benefit? Does the child know why? If not they just think you’re being mean for no reason. Did you ask? Maybe the problem is that they don’t feel you’re listening to them.
Uh, mine aren’t teens yet either, which changes things a little too. Their cognitive abilities are much more like an adults, if somewhat compromised by hormones. If my parents told me to go to my room now I’d laugh and tell them to do something rather impolite, so not that different from a teen.
Either way, the social isolation and possible implications of that was something I’ve never really considered as an aspect of grounding, especially now that we do so much communication through the same channels we use for entertainment. May be colored by my lifetime of gaming too. I understand that sometimes there are unspoken obligations built into a gaming group and that the consequences of forcing your child to miss those obligations has to be weighed when considering punishment.
Weird rabbit hole for a Friday.
Take care y’all.