I’ve said to several people in the last week that something feels different now. The events of the last few weeks have eroded, torn down, and/or broken some of the restraints that used to hold me back. It’s hardly a sudden or unique experience. I can certainly look back over the last few years and see it happening in steps. All the blog posts where I argued about whether I should post it or not. Questioning if it was appropriate or something people even wanted to see. That’s actually what ultimately pushed me away from blogging.
I’ve actually been writing a lot over the last few months, and off and on for the last year. My transiversary date was chosen because of an unpublished blog draft I wrote the day I finally decided. What pushed me to stop publishing my work was just the very personal nature of it all. It felt weird to share so much of myself openly and publicly. That’s… not who I was.
Instead, I’ve been writing privately, with my thoughts often visible to only a select couple of people with whom I’m very close. Not quite daily, but pretty close to it. While I began writing blog posts as a way to hone a skill set and do something different, it eventually became a method of personal reflection. Useful on its own, but something gets lost by not sharing it with others.
Part of my change in experience these last few months has been the realization that I need to connect with people. Trying to come here and write a draft that only I see is surprisingly unsatisfying. The last few times I’ve tried it, all it did was make me want to go talk to someone about whatever I was thinking and feeling. Still useful to me, but not in the same way it used to.
Of course, there’s no real way to be sure that this is even transition related. As I’ve pointed out, the threads of this reach back several years within my blog posts. It’s extremely easy to think that what I’m currently going through and experiencing is contributing, and maybe it is, but it didn’t cause it. It only helped bring it to light and push it forward.
I’ve been receiving encouragement to share my writing. Well, to try and monetize it, actually, but one thing at a time. I’m still uncertain that this is really what people want to see. I’m just finally at a point in my life where I’m willing to at least give it a shot.
I’m making some bold moves over the next few months. They remind me a lot of when I started the blog, actually. “Why not?” I said. “Why shouldn’t I just try it and see what happens?” Didn’t work out so bad last time. Might as well give it another go, eh?
I’m just now realizing I didn’t do my usual sign off yesterday.
Y’all take care. I appreciate each and every one of you.